It’s bittersweet to say goodbye to 2010 because it was a pretty good year to me.  In reflecting on the year, I realize that the health I enjoyed made it one of my faves.

Why?  I got to tour with one of my best friends, Josh, and play shows with my friends in Bella Morte, including my Synthetic Division bandmate Marshall (who also plays bass for Bella). That’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and hope to do again in the new year.  With Marshall and Josh, I played a total of 16 Synthetic Division shows, more than all of the previous 9 years of playing out combined.  The inspiration to do it was simple- I survived my dying wish to meet Depeche Mode in 1990, and this was a 20-year anniversary present.  Of course, the real gift is just being here to have the opportunity to launch a crazy plan or two.

Really, what inspired doing a new CD and going on tour was more than wanting to commemorate a milestone, it was a feeling a vulnerability.  At the end of last year, when I landed in the hospital due to a side effect of one of my hemophilia medications, I really thought- for the first time in my life- that I was going to die.  I woke up that morning and my heart was racing, I felt so unstable and out of my mind in the hospital.  I’ve never feared the passing of this life into whatever awaits, if anything, but that experience spooked me because I didn’t want to leave Gwenn behind.

When I came out of the hospital I had a different perspective on entering the new year.  I enjoyed our first talk of the semester when we flew to Seattle and spent an extra two days, just tooling around.  Each trip was fulfilling, not just because of the work we do in educating about HIV and sexual health, but also on a personal level; it sounds silly, but I was just giddy to be alive.  And I was open to doing things I’d put off, like focus on music and finally putting together that love with my HIV education work. (One Condoms supplied my band with over a thousand condoms, which we gave out at all of the shows.)

I also got to see my goddaughter grow up.  There are few things I love more than hearing her call for me, or having her trust to teach her things like how to high-five correctly.  This year, Gwenn and I got to go with her and her mommy (one of our best friends) to London.  It was a wonderful trip, and looking back I am so thankful that I had the energy to enjoy it.

In terms of writing, I didn’t make much progress on my second book, which I have claimed victory over more times than I care to admit, but I did do some of my best writing for Poz Magazine when I wrote a piece on Ryan White. I also got to speak with Bad Blood director Marilyn Ness about her documentary on hemophilia, and how HIV has affected the bleeding disorders community.

So what does 2011 hold in store?  Aside from my usual routine, I have no idea.  Just take it one month at a time, which leads me to my New Year’s resolution to blog every day in January.  Why?  Because that will give me the rest of the year to gain weight and procrastinate.  Now, I understand that there is a risk in blogging every day; it could thin out my readership, leaving only the diehards (relatives) to read my every musing.  But that’s okay- it’s a challenge, especially based on my low output as of late.

So, wish me luck. And, as always, thanks for reading.  Here’s to a great new year for you!

Positively Yours,
Shawn




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