Have you ever heard the terms “unlucky in love” or “if it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all?” I’m sure you have at one point or another, if not about yourself probably someone else. How I am feel about now, I feel like my picture should posted by those terms.

When I think back on my past relationships, I can honestly say I haven’t had a good one. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. When it finally did dawn on me why, I did my best to change the type of men I would date. But it still seems like love evades me.

Last year this time, I was dating someone who as a person was really sweet. The downfall was that he was still in love with his ex who was dating someone else. Something I didn’t know when I first got with him. And if we were in the same place as his ex, he would do his best to use me to get her jealous. I immediately put a stop to that though it left my heart shattered and had me check myself into the hospital for depression. After that I didn’t date anyone for about nine months.

When I did get with someone, it was someone I had started being friends with but kind of lost touch. I wasn’t looking for a relationship and neither was he. But after getting together a few times, not sexually at this point, we seemed to have clicked. We both talked about what we were looking for in a person and all that. We simply enjoyed each others company and our rivalry in football.

I mean this man was a drastic change from the type of men I had dated in my past. He actually had done things, good things in his life. More importantly, he had his own place and could stimulate my mind in deep conversations on just about anything. Though neither one of us wanted a relationship, I was hooked even before sex became involved. What can I say? There’s nothing like a good mental seduction.

His only problem was that he had a hard time opening up about his feelings due to his last relationship. I didn’t know the details of it all until he decided to open up to me about it yesterday while talking on the phone. I appreciated him opening up to me about it but the problems lies that he is attached to his ex’s kids which are not his. And the ex is basically using them as pawns to get a reaction out of him. He called me for my opinion on the matter which I gave him.

After talking to him on the phone, I really got to thinking about the situation in regards to where I stand with him. Now mind you, I am not in a relationship with him but I felt overshadowed once again by another ex.....with kids. I mean it’s hard to hate on a man who wants to be involved in a child’s life especially when the kids are not his own. But I could see the game that the ex was playing involving her kids.

I figured the best thing I could do was end what we had. So, I fought through the tears, called him, and told him how I felt. His immediate reaction was regretting that he had opened up to me in the first place. He also said he understood how I felt since he knew what I went through with the last guy. It just seemed like it was so easy for him to let me go though he said he had no intentions of getting back with his ex.

I feel like it was the right thing to do because I am tired of being overshadowed by another ex. My heart feels like it has been shattered again. How many times do I have to keep picking up the pieces? And once again, I don’t understand why it keeps happening to me. Why do I have to keep coming second to someone who isn’t even suppose to be in the picture?

All that comes to mind is a song by Prince, “The Beautiful Ones” where he says, “Paint a perfect picture, bring to life an image in one’s mind. The Beautiful Ones always smash the picture, always every time.”